Archive for July, 2012

NOW WE REVERSE IT: 7 Reasons Not to Date a Younger Man

7 Reasons Not to Date a Younger Man

In the previous article we reviewed 7reasons to date a younger man. However I believe in the law of balance so we will look at reasons not to date a younger man. It is my reality check because the fact is remains that every relationship takes work.

  1. Too much sex: Did I hear someone ask how that is supposed to be a bad thing? Hormonal levels are higher in some guys than others. Considering the fact that they are younger, you need to find out if both of you are compatible. Spend a lot of time talking not taking off your clothes. Honeymoon and the real marriage are not the same. If you are the type of woman who wants to make out once in two days and he wants at least three times a day then it is only a matter of time before there is trouble in paradise. Sex is crucial in a relationship. You want to be sure he will not feel starved and you will not get pressured for sex.
  2. In your head:  Will you be able to get over the age difference? I once dated a lady older than myself and she later confessed that each time I scolded her for something she did wrong, something in her head would ask her why she was listening to me, after all her kid brother was older than I. Can you get past the fact that someone the age of your youngest sibling or child will second-guess and even reprimand you especially if you are a boss at work and not used to anyone second-guessing you.
  3. Kids: He says he does not care about kids while you cuddle together. This does not mean he does not want to hear his own kid call him ‘dada’, especially when all his friends start having kids.
  4. Undefined career path: At this stage in life some young men have a vague idea of exactly what they want to become in life. A few know what they want but navigating their way is difficult. You must be willing to sacrifice years to enable him achieve his dream and sometimes you will be responsible for financing this dream.
  5. Exuberance and Immaturity: Depending on factors such as where he grew up, a younger man will sometimes act his age. This will look for immature to you. If you are a very serious or conservative type, you need to give this some serious thought.
  6. Uncertainty: Usually at this stage, younger men are not too sure what they want out of life. Some of them are still experimenting and you do not want to be part of an experiment. What do you do when he suddenly changes his sexual preferences? Food for thought.
  7. Public opinion: If you are the type of person who cares what other people think about your relationship or what they will say behind you back then you want to avoid dating a younger man because people will definitely talk when they get to know about your relationship.

 

My advice is simple. You can eat your cake and have it. My friend’s brother was telling his siblings that his girlfriend is older than he is. His siblings started condemning the relationship, and then their mother interjected and said ‘what is wrong with you all? Do you know your father is 3years younger than me?’ They were all shocked. It is tricky but it can be worked around. Make sure the gap is close (no more than 5yrs is usually good), then keep your age or his a secret. That keeps everyone guessing since in truth you are in the same age-range, signs of aging will not usually be greater on one partner than the other. That is my take. Choose whatever works best for you. You have only one life to live so live it well. As we say in Latin: suum cuique pulchrum est (To each his own).

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Joke of the Day

Two South African friends Nick & Joseph were trying to make it to Europe. After several weeks they made it to Egypt but got lost walking in the Sahara desert.
Soon they become thirsty and hunger. After a day of walking without food, they finally see a mosque. An excited Nick says:”Let’s pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we’ll not get any food or drink. I’m going to
call myself ‘Abdul’. Joseph refused to change his name and said:
“I will not pretend to be another than what I am!” They make their way into the mosque and the Imam of the mosque receives both of them well and asked about their names; Nick said: “My name is Abdul Abdulkareem. Joseph maintained “My name is Joseph” The Imam then turned to his followers and said:
“Please bring food and water for Mr. Joseph only” and then he turned to Nick (Abdul) and said ‘RAMADAN, RAMADAN BROTHER “Let’s go for prayers, we have six more hours before we break our fast“

Nick fainted.

How Do I Know I Love Him?

HOW DO I KNOW I LOVE HIM?

Dr Love,

I am a 25year old lady. I have been with a man for 3months. We spend a lot of time together but I am not sure about how I feel about him. He spends money on me a lot and I just want to know, am I attracted to him or his money?

-Debby

Dear Debby,

Truth be told, there is a thin line between Love and Infatuation. So I asked the oracle, he replied ‘roses are red and diamonds are ………’ (hehe even the oracle is thinking about money too much these days. What has diamond got to do with love? A lot I hear some ladies say). Seriously infatuation is based on the desire to get something out of a person while Love comes to give. A lover brings into your life. I have said this for over ten years, you know you are in love when you find yourself doing things you said you would never do, going out of your way to make the person happy without expecting anything in return. When you get to this point where you have a longing just to be around a person and constantly see them happy then my dear you are in love. So ask yourself ‘am I with him for the gifts or I do love him?’ Please send the oracle some diamonds too whenever your man buys you some. Am sure he will appreciate it. I am out of here (singing Tina Turner ‘what’s diamond not got to do, got to with it….’)

7 Reasons to Da…

7 Reasons to Date a Younger Man

Hi Dr Love,

My friend met a younger man recently and has not been the same since then. She has been acting like a high school teen in love for the first time. She is either talking to him on the phone or chatting on facebook. My friend is 39 and the guy is 30. She had a terrible break-up with her baby daddy. Can you please give her reasons not to date this younger man? I think she will end up with her heart broken again.

Thanks Good friend

My dear good friend. Thank you for looking out but no thanks. There are no absolutes when it comes to love and life in general. (Looking in crystal ball and dancing) Your friend might just be in for some of the best years of her life if she plays her cards right. You said she has a baby daddy well now she has daddy daycare in the younger man. (Laughs)

When we see an older man with a younger woman, it is okay in our mind’s eye but when it’s a younger man and an older lady all our alarms seem to go off. However there is a fascination for a younger man who finally gets an older lady to say yes to him. He is enthralled by her. Younger men are attracted to older women for several reasons such as maturity (she is not going to bitch because he talks to another lady but probably ask him calmly who the lady is), they are also independent and can take care of themselves. A man loves this fact because he knows she has it all. She does not need the big stuff. She always beams when he buys her little things like flowers as she is usually not materialistic. She does not have time for mind games such as testing him or acting coy one minute and reminding him whose boss the next. Older women are straight forward with their intentions.

 As women grow older dating a younger man is an option that becomes available to them and one many of them fantasize about but are afraid to try because friends and family will accuse them of robbing the cradle and label them ‘Cougars’. There is a long list of successful women who have dated and some married younger men: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Whitney and Bobby, Demi and Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Lopez and Casper, Cher and Rob Camilletti, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

An AARP poll shows about one-sixth of women in their 50s and 60s prefer men in their 40s. It goes beyond sex. Younger men are more flexible and spontaneous.

Here are Reasons to date a Younger man:

  1. Bond with kids: If you have young kids, younger guys tend to bond quicker with them than older guys. The younger man is willing to do homework with your kids, probably play video games with them and watch WWE while older guys usually just want to sit and watch sports in peace while sipping their drink. 
  2. More energy: While this might not be true for all guys. It is true for most. Younger men are loaded with testosterone, besides they are in better shape and look better. If you doubt me, take a walk to your local gym and count the number of young men there and compare to the number of older men. With a younger man, you will find yourself trying new things.
  3. They are loyal: what makes a man date a woman who is 15yrs older than he is? It is not just because she is richer. He is attracted to her essence. This is the first step towards building loyalty. Some people argue that a younger man will leave for a younger woman but there is no statistic to prove this. Who says an older man will not also leave for a younger woman? We see it all the time. Truth is people who will cheat will cheat. Each time I look at Eva Longoria I ask myself what man in his senses would cheat on this woman? She is beautiful. brrrrhhhh.
  4. Feel younger and revamp your outlook towards life: Dating a younger guy re-invigorates your life. It makes you feel alive, like a little girl again. They are usually very social and you find yourself going to cinemas, museums and dining out regularly and you can expect this to continue for several years. You will feel sexy for years.
  5. You can take the lead: He knows you are older and more experienced. He is comfortable allowing you take the lead. Remember they are not yet set in their ways meaning you can influence the way they see things.
  6. Supportive: They are never intimidated by your success. They want you to be more successful so they can even show you off.
  7. Grey first: Truth is when you date a younger man, you will probably be the first to grey and show wrinkle lines, it feels good to be old and still have a fresh younger man by your side.

Truth is that here are several myths (many created by men) to prevent a woman from living her life to the fullest after they leave such a man. Live life on your terms and remember age is truly but a number.

 

However because you asked I have reasons not to date a younger Man in my next article.

 

WHAT IS YOUR PHOBIA?

I was talking recently to an old colleague and we remembered our supervisor (Richard) who was afraid of rodents. He would actually run out of the office at the mention of a rat. Then it occurred to me, everyone has a phobia. There are so many phobias are there and some are downright unbelievable to those who do not have them. Here’s a list of some you may have never heard about:

Agyrophobia- Fear of street crossing

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing

Achluphobia- Fear of darkness

Acrophobia- Fear of heights

Androphobia- Fear of men

Aurophobia- Fear of gold

Biblophobia- Fear of books

Chorophobia- Fear of dancing

Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns

Eremophobia- Fear of loneliness

There are phobias for almost everything. I think i know mine. I think my phobia is the fear of being locked up in the same room with a beautiful woman. hehe. What is your phobia and what have you done to overcome it?

LOOK CLASSY IN A SUIT

LOOK CLASSY IN A SUIT

Guys I got you covered today. We will be talking about how to rock the suit look, create that gentlemanly demeanor and get your groove back.

Everyman should have at least two quality suits in his wardrobe. When you hear a man say, ‘I do not look good in a suit’, it is usually because he cannot afford it. Suits enhance your looks and improve your image. You do not need have many of them. Invest in two very good suits and buy several dress shirts to alternate them with. They can serve you on occasions such as weddings, funerals, cocktail party or job interviews. There are several things to consider before wearing a suit

  • Dress for your body type: People big around the middle should go for lower buttoning jacket while people who are not too tall should choose single breasted jackets as double-breasted jackets seem to drown you and make you look shorter.
  • Use the buttons appropriately:  Button your dress shirt properly. For two button jacket, button the top button only. For three button jackets, button the middle one and if you like you can add the first one.

N.B: You can let the buttons solo that is; not button any of them. However you never button the last button except at a funeral.

  • Accessorize: Choose your tie carefully. Your necktie color should not take away attention from your suit. There are two options when choosing your tie color. You either go with a color that is similar to your shirt for example lavender with a light blue shirt or go for complementary colors which contrast each other such as burgundy over a striped green and white shirt. If you are afraid of experimenting then a lighter shade of the shirt works but will not be the most stylish you can look. It is all about knowing how to match. White shirts work with most ties, especially solid colors. This is great for funerals. If you want to show you are even more fashionable try patterned ties on a white shirt. Just make sure the colors are not rioting. We will look at mixing colors for men soon.
  • A grey tie works on a light blue shirt all the time, blue shirt with yellow or gold tie, a brown tie also looks good on a tan shirt. Sometimes you can blend the colors of your suit and tie while wearing a black shirt. Rappers Jay-z and P diddy usually pull this off with their grey suit, white shirt and light grey ties.
  • Wear a matching belt: Black works most of the time. Also match the color of your belt buckle and your watch or cufflinks any other accessory. Your sleeves however must cover your watch.
  • Comfortable shoes: ensure that you have enough legroom in your shoes and are not in pain.  Also ensure that the color of your shoe matches your belt.
  • Make sure the suit fits: A suit should fit your body and allow for a range of motion. You should be able to move freely in your suit. It should not be too tight that you cannot bend neither should it be too loose that it looks like a parachute. As a rule of thumb the space between the collar of the suit and your dress shirt should fit a finger and the shirt cuffs should not slide up when you stretch your hand.
  • As much as possible avoid wearing three way striped. That is a striped shirt, striped suit and striped tie. Very few people can pull this off.
  • If you are not very tall, try buying a vertical striped suit. This gives the looker’s eye the impression that you are actually taller than you are while people who do not want to look as tall as they actually are should go with horizontal stripes as this has a roundish effect and does not make them look so tall.

There you go guys. pull this off and you will be looking dapper. Remember looking good is not that difficult.

 

 

7 Reasons Not to Date a Married Man

7 Reasons Not to Date a Married Man

I promised to do a follow-up to this article and the oracle spoke to me with a message for the ladies thinking of dating married men. There is something about illicit affairs that just make them tempting. It is just like the forbidden apple on the tree. It looks nice and juicy but a bite will destroy you. I know each time you think of him, your heart skips a bit. You cannot help who your heart chooses especially as men do not relent when they chase a woman but you can decide what is right and wrong.

Truth is illicit affairs are interesting not because the man is the only man in the world but because you are getting a rush out of it. That rush will fade when your get caught. So I have 7 reasons not to date a married man.

  1. ISOLATION: He will not introduce to the most important people in his life and neither can you. Your relationship has no validation from your loved ones. As a woman you will spend holidays such as Christmas alone. Those days are supposed to be special moments that last a lifetime.
  2. ARE YOU READY TO LIVE A SECRET LIFE: In almost every society adultery is frowned upon. So if you are going to be the ‘other’ woman you must also be prepared for the fact that you will not be able to go to public places with this man. He will not let you hold his hands in public let alone kiss him. Every gift you buy for him, he will probably give out to someone else to avoid interrogation by her royal highness at home. He cannot introduce you to his kids, family or neighbour. Except for the few nights he lies that he has to be out-of-town, he will leave you to cuddle your pillow while he goes back to the warmth of his wife.
  3. DATING A MARRIED MAN DAMAGES YOUR REPUTATION: Trust me the walls have ears, besides most philanderer (well that’s what the oracle called  your adulterous married lover) kiss and tell. It’s about conquest for most men. They tell their friends how they are still able to score a single lady despite knowing his marital status. Do not be a part of his statistic.
  4. ONCE A CHEATER: The previous article says it all. In case you missed it, you can go back. If he cheats with you, its only a matter of time before he cheats on you.  Remember that more than 60percent of second marriage fail. If he is able to look the woman he vowed to spend his life with in the eye and lie to her, chances are that he is lying to you.
  5. WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND ENERGY: Unfortunately this is the story of almost every woman who has had an affair with a married man. It takes its toll emotionally and after some time the woman discovers she has wasted the prime of her dating years on nothing but empty promises and date nights in applebees or ihops located in remote outskirts.
  6.  GUILT: If you finally get this man to leave his wife and marry you. Are you ready to wake up everyday and be reminded that you shattered another life to make yours? Families bond through marriages. A former colleague of mine wants nothing to do with his father in-law who helped him when his business was struggling because his ex divorced him and the entire process was nasty. Can you look yourself in the mirror and smile each time the man goes to see his kids or when they are around without telling yourself that you tore that family apart?
  7. YOU LOSE: Cheating men rarely commit. He will leave you high and dry when he begins to feel pressured by you.  You lose. Remember he could not handle his pressures at home and ran to you lying that his wife is his problem. His wife is not the problem. He is not man enough to face his problem that’s all and if his wife finds out he will say you led him on and tempted him. You still lose. You become town slut.

You deserve to be number one in the life of your man. I know he says you are number one when he holds you at night but he will never repeat it to his children or friends and it is only a matter of time before all the hiding begins to take its toll on you and the relationship and suddenly the man who looked like the best thing since God created Leonardo d’ Caprio is no longer that ‘great’ guy anymore. You deserve the best. Go for the best.