Archive for August, 2012

A guy shows up …

A guy shows up two hours late for work. His boss is positively livid and yells, “You should have been here at 8:30!”

“Why?” the guy replies. “What happened at 8:30?”

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HOW TO ASK A LADY OUT and get a Yes

HOW TO ASK A LADY OUT and get a Yes.

Attraction is the first thing to consider when you want to ask a woman out. Most women I speak to say they will not go out with a man they do not find attractive. You know what that means. Clean shave, clean up. Make sure you look good, feel good and smell good. Now we have you looking good, you need to get her attention. Women love attention and it takes a man who can get her attention to give her attention. You do not have to be the best looking man in the room. Bradley Cooper and Denzel Washington would be dating the most beautiful women in the world. Attraction goes beyond looks.

  • Be the leader of the pack- Women are drawn to leaders. Just be the guy everyone says hello to at the party or the one who holds people captivated with your jokes or stories and women are instantly drawn to you.
  • Ladies man- This is a little tricky and for pros. Women are drawn to a man who has other women flocking around him. We talked about this before. An object becomes more valuable because people want it. No woman wants a man that no-one else wants. However its tricky because she will notice when women love being around you but will probably think you are a player. You will need to prove that women are drawn to you and you are not the one going after them. She also needs to know she will have your attention. If you can play this, it works all the time.
  • Go for the chase- Women do not want a wuss. A wuss will be confessing his love after the first date. They want a man who will chase them. Women love a man who is up for the challenge. (Little wonder girls fall for bad boys). Women like life favor the bold.
  • Come across as fun- The only way a woman will go out with you is if she is convinced that her time with you will be fun. Thus, you must always try to come across as a fun person. Try not to be someone else though. Everyone has a funny side even shy people. Put yourself out there a lot if you are shy. Even if you hear a ‘no’, consider it part of your practice time. The ‘yes’ days are just around the corner but you need to loosen up and be more out there.
  • Never out of the blues- There has to be a connection before you ask a woman out. It is better to ask a woman out when she is having a good time with you or your friends. Never ask a woman out in the midst of her friends. Ask her out when she is laughing, flirting with you or staring you in the eye. Try getting to know her first. Be friendly. That is the easiest way to get her saying yes. Would you be excited going on a date with a stranger? It’s the same thing for women
  • Divide and Conquer- Never ask her out when her friends are around. Chances are that she will say ‘no’. Get her when she is away from her circle of friends. They have greater influence on her than you think. If she is the leader of her pack, she will not want to look weak in front of her crew so she will say ‘no’. If you pull a woman from her friends they will either judge you or her. Do it when she is away from her pack.
  • Be realistic- Some women will not go out with you for several reasons. Do not take it personal. Women have a mental picture of who they want to date. They hold themselves to a standard. They want a particular height, skin color, eye color while others are just looking for chemistry. I once met a girl who was my height and wanted a guy taller than myself. Through constant conversation I found out what she wanted in a man. I worked on the other qualities I had and she ended up falling in love with me. However not everyone will be so lucky, if she says no then dust yourself and move on.
  • When out of ideas- Never ask a woman out at that awkward moment where you are drying out and have nothing else to say. That point where it seems like you have exhausted everything you have to say for the evening. It is best to just get her number and call it a day. Chances are high she will not agree to see you again if the conversation did not flow the first time, so let her go, take a deep breath, regroup and strike back.
  • There is no perfect timing when it comes to asking a woman out. She flirts with you a little but you tell yourself, it has to be well timed. Well I got news for you, when it comes to women, you have to strike the iron while it is hot. Why do you think women love confident men? Remember no woman will wait forever no matter how she likes you.

 

Do not go on overactive dates if it’s a first date. These include mountain climbing, and all those stuff that make a woman feel rushed. Do not try anything elaborate or try to impress her to show you are super-rich. You will freak her out. Simple options are

Parks

Beaches

Café

Lounge or quiet bar for a drink

It’s a first date. Keep it simple.

Don’t ever ask what she wants to do. Suggest what you have in mind. For example:

Guy: we should grab a drink next week

Girl: yea

Guy: what is your schedule like?

Girl: ummh am booked for most but maybe Friday night

Then you go ahead and fix the time. It is all about steering the course of your conversation in a direction that gets you a favorable response.

Getting a woman to say yes all the time is possible, it is all about your approach.

A young soldier…

A young soldier traveled for a Conference of Military officers in a little town. By the time the soldier pulled into town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere”, he pleaded with a proprietor. “Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy” admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have been complaining. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.
” No problem.” the tired Army guy assured him, “I’ll take it.” The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. “How did you sleep?” asked the manager. “Never better”, said the soldier. The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?” “No, I shut him up in no time”, explained the soldier.
“How did you manage that?” asked the proprietor.
“Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek” explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear ‘Good night beautiful’, and he sat up all night watching me.”

HELP!!! HIS FLATULENCE WILL KILL ME

HELP!!! HIS FLATULENCE WILL KILL ME

Dr Love,

My case is simple. I met my boyfriend 3months ago and he is the greatest guy in the world. He is a pillar of support and is helping me achieve my dreams but he is killing me with farts. It is like he has no control over his backdoor. I like this guy but am afraid this flatulence will kill me. It smells real bad. Please help.

Nb: They are silent but stink.

-Kelly

 

Hi almost dead from fart Kelly,

I sympathize with you. Pearls can be embarrassing not just for the carrier of the bomb but also for the receiver. Some blow up like nuclear weapons but most people are afraid of those silent ones and for good reason. I was in my older colleague’s vehicle some years ago(he was about 65) he dropped a pearl with the windows up and the A.C on. I didn’t say a word. I just rolled the glass down. The pearl was nasty. Anyway you need remember that flatulence is a by-product of digestion. During digestion, protein is broken down into amino acid, fats to fatty acids and carbohydrates broken down to individual glucose molecules. I also hear the older we get, the more difficult it is to hold back farts so you might want to consider his age.

When food does not break down completely in the stomach or small intestine, it finds its way to the large intestine where it ferments. The food is welcome by millions of bacteria in our large intestine (no you cannot get rid of the bacteria). These bacteria produce a variety of gases including the famous hydrogen sulfide. (If you remember your science a bit then you remember that sulfur smells like rotten egg).

 

Some foods cause more farts than others as they contain more indigestible carbohydrates than other food types. Did I hear you scream Beans? Yes beans have a lot of indigestible carbohydrates.

There are several factors that result in flatulence. One report says about 86 diseases are potential gas causes. Some of these are colon cancer, gall bladder disease, cystic fibrosis, malabsorption disease, food allergies, pancreatic diseases and many more. Other factors asides diseases include

Lactose intolerance

 Fatty foods/starches that are not well digested: potatoes, corn, noodles.

 Dairy products not well digested (the body does not digest cow milk well)

Carbonated drinks

 

 

So Kelly asked how can I deliver her from her boyfriend’s Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs, you will have to try a combination of home-made therapies or you buy over the counter drugs.

  • I would recommend Zingiber officinalis okay don’t scream, I mean Ginger. It has been used for decades to treat indigestion. Depending on what part of the world you are, Fennel also works for indigestion, a cup of hot water with 10 grams of fennel seed reduces gas stomach bloating and symptoms of gas.
  • Probiotics such as yoghurt and pickles also aid digestion.
  • Another option is to cleanse your colon but you need to see a good therapist before you do this.
  • Avoid sugar and soda.
  •  Also take small bites when eating, and then chew. This mixes your food with saliva and it gets broken down better.
  • Some other remedies include pineapple and papaya(paw-paw),
  • Soak beans for hours before cooking- this works all the time in reducing flatulence but you also lose some nutrients in the beans
  •  Finally study his body. Try to think back to what he ate the previous night or just before the gas starts, then you will be able to properly combine the food you eat to reduce gas. Personally I use over the counter supplements such as Beano and Activia.

My last word: Duck and run out of the room whenever he lifts his bum cheek.