HELP!!! HIS FLATULENCE WILL KILL ME

Dr Love,

My case is simple. I met my boyfriend 3months ago and he is the greatest guy in the world. He is a pillar of support and is helping me achieve my dreams but he is killing me with farts. It is like he has no control over his backdoor. I like this guy but am afraid this flatulence will kill me. It smells real bad. Please help.

Nb: They are silent but stink.

-Kelly

 

Hi almost dead from fart Kelly,

I sympathize with you. Pearls can be embarrassing not just for the carrier of the bomb but also for the receiver. Some blow up like nuclear weapons but most people are afraid of those silent ones and for good reason. I was in my older colleague’s vehicle some years ago(he was about 65) he dropped a pearl with the windows up and the A.C on. I didn’t say a word. I just rolled the glass down. The pearl was nasty. Anyway you need remember that flatulence is a by-product of digestion. During digestion, protein is broken down into amino acid, fats to fatty acids and carbohydrates broken down to individual glucose molecules. I also hear the older we get, the more difficult it is to hold back farts so you might want to consider his age.

When food does not break down completely in the stomach or small intestine, it finds its way to the large intestine where it ferments. The food is welcome by millions of bacteria in our large intestine (no you cannot get rid of the bacteria). These bacteria produce a variety of gases including the famous hydrogen sulfide. (If you remember your science a bit then you remember that sulfur smells like rotten egg).

 

Some foods cause more farts than others as they contain more indigestible carbohydrates than other food types. Did I hear you scream Beans? Yes beans have a lot of indigestible carbohydrates.

There are several factors that result in flatulence. One report says about 86 diseases are potential gas causes. Some of these are colon cancer, gall bladder disease, cystic fibrosis, malabsorption disease, food allergies, pancreatic diseases and many more. Other factors asides diseases include

Lactose intolerance

 Fatty foods/starches that are not well digested: potatoes, corn, noodles.

 Dairy products not well digested (the body does not digest cow milk well)

Carbonated drinks

 

 

So Kelly asked how can I deliver her from her boyfriend’s Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs, you will have to try a combination of home-made therapies or you buy over the counter drugs.

  • I would recommend Zingiber officinalis okay don’t scream, I mean Ginger. It has been used for decades to treat indigestion. Depending on what part of the world you are, Fennel also works for indigestion, a cup of hot water with 10 grams of fennel seed reduces gas stomach bloating and symptoms of gas.
  • Probiotics such as yoghurt and pickles also aid digestion.
  • Another option is to cleanse your colon but you need to see a good therapist before you do this.
  • Avoid sugar and soda.
  •  Also take small bites when eating, and then chew. This mixes your food with saliva and it gets broken down better.
  • Some other remedies include pineapple and papaya(paw-paw),
  • Soak beans for hours before cooking- this works all the time in reducing flatulence but you also lose some nutrients in the beans
  •  Finally study his body. Try to think back to what he ate the previous night or just before the gas starts, then you will be able to properly combine the food you eat to reduce gas. Personally I use over the counter supplements such as Beano and Activia.

My last word: Duck and run out of the room whenever he lifts his bum cheek.

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