7 Reasons to Da…

7 Reasons to Date a Younger Man

Hi Dr Love,

My friend met a younger man recently and has not been the same since then. She has been acting like a high school teen in love for the first time. She is either talking to him on the phone or chatting on facebook. My friend is 39 and the guy is 30. She had a terrible break-up with her baby daddy. Can you please give her reasons not to date this younger man? I think she will end up with her heart broken again.

Thanks Good friend

My dear good friend. Thank you for looking out but no thanks. There are no absolutes when it comes to love and life in general. (Looking in crystal ball and dancing) Your friend might just be in for some of the best years of her life if she plays her cards right. You said she has a baby daddy well now she has daddy daycare in the younger man. (Laughs)

When we see an older man with a younger woman, it is okay in our mind’s eye but when it’s a younger man and an older lady all our alarms seem to go off. However there is a fascination for a younger man who finally gets an older lady to say yes to him. He is enthralled by her. Younger men are attracted to older women for several reasons such as maturity (she is not going to bitch because he talks to another lady but probably ask him calmly who the lady is), they are also independent and can take care of themselves. A man loves this fact because he knows she has it all. She does not need the big stuff. She always beams when he buys her little things like flowers as she is usually not materialistic. She does not have time for mind games such as testing him or acting coy one minute and reminding him whose boss the next. Older women are straight forward with their intentions.

 As women grow older dating a younger man is an option that becomes available to them and one many of them fantasize about but are afraid to try because friends and family will accuse them of robbing the cradle and label them ‘Cougars’. There is a long list of successful women who have dated and some married younger men: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Whitney and Bobby, Demi and Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Lopez and Casper, Cher and Rob Camilletti, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon.

An AARP poll shows about one-sixth of women in their 50s and 60s prefer men in their 40s. It goes beyond sex. Younger men are more flexible and spontaneous.

Here are Reasons to date a Younger man:

  1. Bond with kids: If you have young kids, younger guys tend to bond quicker with them than older guys. The younger man is willing to do homework with your kids, probably play video games with them and watch WWE while older guys usually just want to sit and watch sports in peace while sipping their drink. 
  2. More energy: While this might not be true for all guys. It is true for most. Younger men are loaded with testosterone, besides they are in better shape and look better. If you doubt me, take a walk to your local gym and count the number of young men there and compare to the number of older men. With a younger man, you will find yourself trying new things.
  3. They are loyal: what makes a man date a woman who is 15yrs older than he is? It is not just because she is richer. He is attracted to her essence. This is the first step towards building loyalty. Some people argue that a younger man will leave for a younger woman but there is no statistic to prove this. Who says an older man will not also leave for a younger woman? We see it all the time. Truth is people who will cheat will cheat. Each time I look at Eva Longoria I ask myself what man in his senses would cheat on this woman? She is beautiful. brrrrhhhh.
  4. Feel younger and revamp your outlook towards life: Dating a younger guy re-invigorates your life. It makes you feel alive, like a little girl again. They are usually very social and you find yourself going to cinemas, museums and dining out regularly and you can expect this to continue for several years. You will feel sexy for years.
  5. You can take the lead: He knows you are older and more experienced. He is comfortable allowing you take the lead. Remember they are not yet set in their ways meaning you can influence the way they see things.
  6. Supportive: They are never intimidated by your success. They want you to be more successful so they can even show you off.
  7. Grey first: Truth is when you date a younger man, you will probably be the first to grey and show wrinkle lines, it feels good to be old and still have a fresh younger man by your side.

Truth is that here are several myths (many created by men) to prevent a woman from living her life to the fullest after they leave such a man. Live life on your terms and remember age is truly but a number.

 

However because you asked I have reasons not to date a younger Man in my next article.

 

WHAT IS YOUR PHOBIA?

I was talking recently to an old colleague and we remembered our supervisor (Richard) who was afraid of rodents. He would actually run out of the office at the mention of a rat. Then it occurred to me, everyone has a phobia. There are so many phobias are there and some are downright unbelievable to those who do not have them. Here’s a list of some you may have never heard about:

Agyrophobia- Fear of street crossing

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing

Achluphobia- Fear of darkness

Acrophobia- Fear of heights

Androphobia- Fear of men

Aurophobia- Fear of gold

Biblophobia- Fear of books

Chorophobia- Fear of dancing

Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns

Eremophobia- Fear of loneliness

There are phobias for almost everything. I think i know mine. I think my phobia is the fear of being locked up in the same room with a beautiful woman. hehe. What is your phobia and what have you done to overcome it?

LOOK CLASSY IN A SUIT

LOOK CLASSY IN A SUIT

Guys I got you covered today. We will be talking about how to rock the suit look, create that gentlemanly demeanor and get your groove back.

Everyman should have at least two quality suits in his wardrobe. When you hear a man say, ‘I do not look good in a suit’, it is usually because he cannot afford it. Suits enhance your looks and improve your image. You do not need have many of them. Invest in two very good suits and buy several dress shirts to alternate them with. They can serve you on occasions such as weddings, funerals, cocktail party or job interviews. There are several things to consider before wearing a suit

  • Dress for your body type: People big around the middle should go for lower buttoning jacket while people who are not too tall should choose single breasted jackets as double-breasted jackets seem to drown you and make you look shorter.
  • Use the buttons appropriately:  Button your dress shirt properly. For two button jacket, button the top button only. For three button jackets, button the middle one and if you like you can add the first one.

N.B: You can let the buttons solo that is; not button any of them. However you never button the last button except at a funeral.

  • Accessorize: Choose your tie carefully. Your necktie color should not take away attention from your suit. There are two options when choosing your tie color. You either go with a color that is similar to your shirt for example lavender with a light blue shirt or go for complementary colors which contrast each other such as burgundy over a striped green and white shirt. If you are afraid of experimenting then a lighter shade of the shirt works but will not be the most stylish you can look. It is all about knowing how to match. White shirts work with most ties, especially solid colors. This is great for funerals. If you want to show you are even more fashionable try patterned ties on a white shirt. Just make sure the colors are not rioting. We will look at mixing colors for men soon.
  • A grey tie works on a light blue shirt all the time, blue shirt with yellow or gold tie, a brown tie also looks good on a tan shirt. Sometimes you can blend the colors of your suit and tie while wearing a black shirt. Rappers Jay-z and P diddy usually pull this off with their grey suit, white shirt and light grey ties.
  • Wear a matching belt: Black works most of the time. Also match the color of your belt buckle and your watch or cufflinks any other accessory. Your sleeves however must cover your watch.
  • Comfortable shoes: ensure that you have enough legroom in your shoes and are not in pain.  Also ensure that the color of your shoe matches your belt.
  • Make sure the suit fits: A suit should fit your body and allow for a range of motion. You should be able to move freely in your suit. It should not be too tight that you cannot bend neither should it be too loose that it looks like a parachute. As a rule of thumb the space between the collar of the suit and your dress shirt should fit a finger and the shirt cuffs should not slide up when you stretch your hand.
  • As much as possible avoid wearing three way striped. That is a striped shirt, striped suit and striped tie. Very few people can pull this off.
  • If you are not very tall, try buying a vertical striped suit. This gives the looker’s eye the impression that you are actually taller than you are while people who do not want to look as tall as they actually are should go with horizontal stripes as this has a roundish effect and does not make them look so tall.

There you go guys. pull this off and you will be looking dapper. Remember looking good is not that difficult.

 

 

7 Reasons Not to Date a Married Man

7 Reasons Not to Date a Married Man

I promised to do a follow-up to this article and the oracle spoke to me with a message for the ladies thinking of dating married men. There is something about illicit affairs that just make them tempting. It is just like the forbidden apple on the tree. It looks nice and juicy but a bite will destroy you. I know each time you think of him, your heart skips a bit. You cannot help who your heart chooses especially as men do not relent when they chase a woman but you can decide what is right and wrong.

Truth is illicit affairs are interesting not because the man is the only man in the world but because you are getting a rush out of it. That rush will fade when your get caught. So I have 7 reasons not to date a married man.

  1. ISOLATION: He will not introduce to the most important people in his life and neither can you. Your relationship has no validation from your loved ones. As a woman you will spend holidays such as Christmas alone. Those days are supposed to be special moments that last a lifetime.
  2. ARE YOU READY TO LIVE A SECRET LIFE: In almost every society adultery is frowned upon. So if you are going to be the ‘other’ woman you must also be prepared for the fact that you will not be able to go to public places with this man. He will not let you hold his hands in public let alone kiss him. Every gift you buy for him, he will probably give out to someone else to avoid interrogation by her royal highness at home. He cannot introduce you to his kids, family or neighbour. Except for the few nights he lies that he has to be out-of-town, he will leave you to cuddle your pillow while he goes back to the warmth of his wife.
  3. DATING A MARRIED MAN DAMAGES YOUR REPUTATION: Trust me the walls have ears, besides most philanderer (well that’s what the oracle called  your adulterous married lover) kiss and tell. It’s about conquest for most men. They tell their friends how they are still able to score a single lady despite knowing his marital status. Do not be a part of his statistic.
  4. ONCE A CHEATER: The previous article says it all. In case you missed it, you can go back. If he cheats with you, its only a matter of time before he cheats on you.  Remember that more than 60percent of second marriage fail. If he is able to look the woman he vowed to spend his life with in the eye and lie to her, chances are that he is lying to you.
  5. WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND ENERGY: Unfortunately this is the story of almost every woman who has had an affair with a married man. It takes its toll emotionally and after some time the woman discovers she has wasted the prime of her dating years on nothing but empty promises and date nights in applebees or ihops located in remote outskirts.
  6.  GUILT: If you finally get this man to leave his wife and marry you. Are you ready to wake up everyday and be reminded that you shattered another life to make yours? Families bond through marriages. A former colleague of mine wants nothing to do with his father in-law who helped him when his business was struggling because his ex divorced him and the entire process was nasty. Can you look yourself in the mirror and smile each time the man goes to see his kids or when they are around without telling yourself that you tore that family apart?
  7. YOU LOSE: Cheating men rarely commit. He will leave you high and dry when he begins to feel pressured by you.  You lose. Remember he could not handle his pressures at home and ran to you lying that his wife is his problem. His wife is not the problem. He is not man enough to face his problem that’s all and if his wife finds out he will say you led him on and tempted him. You still lose. You become town slut.

You deserve to be number one in the life of your man. I know he says you are number one when he holds you at night but he will never repeat it to his children or friends and it is only a matter of time before all the hiding begins to take its toll on you and the relationship and suddenly the man who looked like the best thing since God created Leonardo d’ Caprio is no longer that ‘great’ guy anymore. You deserve the best. Go for the best.

SHOULD I DATE THIS SUCCESSFUL MARRIED MAN OR ……..

hey Dr love

I have a problem and I do not know what to do. I am 29 years old and I am seeing two men. The first man is 31 and he does not have a job. The other man is older. He is 45years, he is financially succesful but married. Before you judge me. I want to know the older man jus got me an apartment and car. He is also having problems with his wife and he promised to divorce her soon. He takes very good care of me and gives me a lot of attention. He creates time for me. My young love has little time. He is either job hunting, with friends or in church. So should I stay with my rich man or keep my younger man with no job. I want to pick one and move on with my life.

Thanks

DR LOVE: (Enters the doc with his crystal ball and jingling his bell) Am looking into your future right now through my crystal balls and I see you creating trouble for yourself. Are you the witch doctor? How do you know he will leave his wife? Men prey on women’s maternal instinct, knowing women are always protective they give you a story about how their relationship is not working. A woman with her mother-hen instinct will try to protect and show him more affection than she thinks he is getting at home. Next the man tells the woman he will leave his wife when he has no plan to do so. He may even show you text messages of the days they had fights. It does not mean anything.

You say he is financially successful. I smell greed all over you like gravy on thanksgiving turkey. He has 14year head start on your younger man. What do you expect? He has spent several years working and is now successful and you now want your piece of the cake. I got news for you. He is not leaving his wife. It is a classic line that works all the time. He also wants a piece of your pie but in his case he will eat it and still keep it. I believe in karma and it has a way of catching up with you. People have done it in the past and most have ended up in heartbreak. Do yourself a favor and stick to that young man. You can build a future together rather than wait for a man who will likely not leave his wife. Do not be the reason a home breaks. You say he has time for you. I think you are mistaking affection with time. He probably lies to his wife to be with you. Why do you think he has all that time? Because he is successful. If the younger man becomes rich today he will have more time. If you think the younger man is not spending enough time with you then sit him down and talk. Communication is the key to a good relationship.

Final word: Break it up with grand pa. If his marriage does not work and he comes back to you after his divorce, you will take him without any remorse. If a man leaves his woman because of you, then chances are that he will leave you when he finds another woman. (walks away rolling beads in his hands)

THE FOLLOW-UP ARTICLE COMES SOON

Ramadan Kareem

Salam. Juma’at Mubarak and wishing all muslims Ramadan Kareem

 

HOW TO KEEP YOUR PARTNER FROM CHEATING

HOW TO KEEP YOUR PARTNER FROM CHEATING

I have been receiving a lot of mails and feedback regarding the articles posted and i want to say thank you. i got a mail from Sharon and the summary reads

Dear Dr love,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5years and we rent an apartment together. He is always chatting online at night after I go to sleep and am sure he is talking to a woman because every time I come around he either closes the page or switches to another page. Do you think my boyfriend is cheating?

Thanks

-Confused Sharon

 

DR LOVE REPLIES: hmmmm let me see?  Did i hang out with you boyfriend last night confused Sharon? The answer is no. You want me to give you a definite answer that resolves your problem. Sadly there is no direct answer. Two things however come to mind. Have you considered the fact that he might have a porn addiction and does not want you to find out so he sneaks out of the room? Secondly maybe he is working online and does not want you to disturb him. OK i see you shaking your head that it is not likely. Let me say this, I am not quick to accuse people until i see hard proof. That is what you need. If your gut tells you he is cheating then you owe it to yourself to find out and not be played a fool. I often hear women say ‘i do not want to know’ but in the end they get to know and it hurts more. Finding out yourself makes it a little easier because you are ready for whatever comes. Find out the truth and if he is cheating then decide if you can live with it or not. There are several devices to track people’s online movement such as …………hehe am not a home wrecker. Research for yourself if you really want to know. Be subtle you do not want your partner thinking you do not trust them. My final submission is simple if it smells like pudding, tastes like pudding, its gotta be pudding.

 

HOW TO PREVENT YOUR PARTNER FROM CHEATING

At some point in our lives, everyone is will be presented with opportunities to cheat. As a result we want to be sure that when such a time arrives our partners are able to deal with it and not falter.

 

1. SPORADIC TABS. I know everyone else says do not keep tabs on your partner but lets face facts, half of the world has done it yet everyone comes out in the open and says it is wrong to touch your spouse’s phone. ‘You are infringing their privacy’. Let me however clarify my position. This suggestion should only be used when you think there is a breach of trust. It is part of evidence gathering. It is not that you do not trust your partner but from my experience it keeps people on their toes when occasionally you just pick up the phone to check text messages. If your partner was considering anyone before they will start to have a rethink.You do this in the middle stages of a relationship and stop after a while. However if you cannot handle the truth and will fly into a jealous rage do not try this.

 

2. COMPLIMENT ALWAYS. Learn to say the right things to your partner. Remember person on the other sides who wants your partner is not only complimenting your partner but probably flattering them. When you tell your partner they look smashing for they leave home, it becomes difficult for someone else to sweep them off their feet with words. Be sincere and always be the first to say how much you love them, the new hair, dress and shoes.

 

3. EXPAND YOUR HORIZON. I once asked a lady what she looks for in a man and the first thing she told me was that he has to be intellectually stimulating. This terminology refers to a man who is able to stimulate her by holding a great conversation. Nobody wants to sit with someone who just stares back. People get bored very easily. The way to become this great person that can capture the opposite sex is by trying new things. Your experiences shape you and give you more things to discuss. Travel, read, learn a new cuisine, know a little about what is going on in your world do not let your life revolve around reality and courtroom shows.

 

4. BE FRESH. One of the traps people fall into is routine. There is a limit to which routine is permitted in a relationship. So my advice is that you stop doing the same thing every day. Freshen things up a little. Do not be too predictable to your partner. Invite people for dinner, go to a new place and try a new hobby together.

 

5. LOOK GOOD. Never get sloppy and never get carried away by the fact that you have gotten the partner of your dreams. Keep the looks you had when you met and learn to upgrade. There is always room for more. Looking good is not about shopping. Am referring to the complete you. Keep fit, dress sharp and be confident about you and your partner will always want to show you off to the world.

 

6. WATCH FRIENDS. The old saying still holds. Birds of a feather flock together. If all your lover’s friends who are known to be promiscuous you might want to subtly get new friends who are couples and place a premium on fidelity and gradually bond alongside your partner with these new friends. Such can help keep you or your lover in check from straying.

 

7. COMMUNICATE. This has been overused by many relationship experts and it makes women believe that they need to keep talking. Communication is a two-way process. You should not just go on talking. You have to look for a convenient time and place. You must be able to study your partner and tell their mood. There are times when your partner will not be in the mood to talk. Even the toughest of people have a time when they want to be held and loved. Learn timing and use it to your advantage.

 

We must constantly upgrade and surpass our lovers’expectations. This way we keep them wanting more of our love.